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daffyd

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daffyd last won the day on August 2 2019

daffyd had the most liked content!

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About daffyd

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  1. daffyd

    Forum Rules

    Ah'm with you....Boo-boo! (Ah got mah boy tuh read thu rules over tuh me. He got all the way tuh the sioxth grade!)
  2. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    A Snoring Solution The guys were all at a hunting camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man,
  3. Well mah first attempt didn't work out.....but ah'll work on it! Stay with it as it is worth watching. Will make you smile, chuckle and laugh out loud. Enjoy. Here is a German trapeze couple who are somewhat different! www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=717211468307619&set=vb.234538950336&type=2&theater
  4. Now you need to supply the music, I'm sure you know the tune..... Julie Andrews Turning 79 - this is hysterical! To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City... Music Hall. One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'. Here are the lyrics she used: (Sing It!) - If you sing it out loud, it’s especially hysterical!!! All together..... SING....SING.... Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazin
  5. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a plain old lazy fart." "Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!" _________________
  6. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    Only in Texas mah friend...only in Texas..... allegedly. DEPUTY SHERIFF VS NEW YORK LAWYER A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff*s deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education th a n any cop from Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy*s expense. The deputy says, *License and registration, please.* *What for?* says the lawyer. The deputy says, *You didn*t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.* Then the lawyer says, *I slowed down, and
  7. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.' I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 110 mph, then 120, then 130 mph. Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense
  8. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    Ooooooh, Oooooh, I was having terrible trouble with wind..... oooooh! I went to the doctor and told him I was having trouble with this persistent wind...... < < < < < < He gave me a Kite..............
  9. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    I'm after passing this on to yus, because it recently worked for me and we could all use a little more calm and understanding in our lives..... do you think? By following this simple advice I, meself, have found dat inner peace..... To find dat inner peace..... finish all the tings dat you have started, simple isn't it? So I looked around my house to see the things I had started but had not finished and before coming on here this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bodle of shhhhard-on-hey, a bidle of Bailey's, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha 'mainder of a battle of pro
  10. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    MEDICARE COVERAGE The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.' 'Mrs. Sanders, please.' 'Speaking.' 'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.' 'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. 'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.' 'That's
  11. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    The Three Bears......... Wouldn't you know it? Some bloomin' feminist has re-written "The 3 Bears" A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he cries. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars. Mama Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I ha
  12. daffyd

    Loads of Laughs

    A MAN WALKED INTO A SUPERMARKET WITH HIS ZIPPER DOWN. A LADY CASHIER WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID, 'YOUR BARRACKS DOOR IS OPEN'. NOT A PHRASE THAT MEN NORMALLY USE, HE WENT ON HIS WAY LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE SHOPPING, A MAN CAME UP AND SAID, 'YOUR FLY IS OPEN.' HE ZIPPED UP AND FINISHED HIS SHOPPING. AT THE CHECKOUT, HE INTENTIONALLY GOT IN THE LINE WHERE THE LADY WAS THAT TOLD HIM ABOUT HIS 'BARRACKS DOOR.' HE WAS PLANNING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH HER, SO WHEN HE REACHED THE COUNTER HE SAID, 'WHEN YOU SAW MY BARRACKS DOOR OPEN, DID YOU SEE A MARINE STANDING IN THERE AT A
  13. Wise words (such as these) are oft spoken in jest, but many more foolish ones (shouted into an abyss) are spoken in earnest. (AHRRRRRGH) I am minded of a chef who boiled himself some hyena bones, and made himself a laughing stock. I have a question:- "Is the patron saint of football (soccer) .......St Off? (Now come on...think about it) Life's final score......- ...... when brain stops play! Another question....pay attention:- "Is a bigamist..... an Italian fog?" My earnest hope...... to give a polished performance so that other will take a shine to me. It is not easy bei
  14. The most labour saving device ever, is a husband with loads of money. We are all born free and taxed to death (now that's a fact) I don't mind getting into hot water from time to time...it keeps me clean. Now here is a tip worth remembering.... If at first you DO succeed, don't look astonished, flaunt it. I've heard tell that smoking can kill you..... but funnily enough, it cures kippers (fact) Be careful, be very careful, a problem shared is a gift to a gossip. Many hands make light work...... but only if one of them knows how to change a fuse. Poetic Justice; Poetic Justice is a he
  15. What we have got to realise is that these facilities produced and provided here for our amusement and entertainment (not to mention education ) are not presented by teams and teams of professionals. They are painstakenly created by individual(s) (Ron) so that you and I can relax and enjoy our leisure time. Remember amateurs built the ARK..... professionals built the Titanic! Some people (like myself) are like blisters they only appear when the work is finished. Well, it is up and running now so brothers and blisters it is up to you now!

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